DON'Ts

Don't be judgmental.
Don't blame your friend.
Don't put down the abusive partner. This may put your friend in the position of feeling like they have to defend their partner.
Don't spread rumors. Gossip about what's happening with your friend will only make it more difficult for them.
Don't tell your friend what to do.
Don't make them feel that they will lose you as a friend unless they leave their partner.
Don't feel guilty if you can't help the person to leave the abusive relationship. You can't control your friend and it needs to be their decision to get out. Just by listening to them, you are being a good friend.

If your friend is being abused-DO's

If you are concerned about your friend, say something to them. Be specific about your concerns. Tell your friend what specifically you saw and how it made you feel.

DO's:

Talk in private.
Listen.
Believe them.
Take what they tell you seriously.
Let them know you care.
Let them know the abuse is not their fault.
Tell your friend that you are worried about them.
Tell your friend what you see that concerns you and why you think those behaviors are abusive.
Remind them of all their strengths and wonderful qualities. Be accepting. They may go in and out of the relationship numerous times.
Learn about the cycle and types of abuse.
Let them know that there are other types of abuse than physical. Explain how abuse can be emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual, or verbal.
Tell your friend that you will be there for them no matter what they decide to do.
Help them to find someone knowledgeable about abuse to talk to.

Help them to create a safety plan.

Let them know that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and equality. Don't give up. It often takes time for someone to leave an abusive relationship.

Help your friend develop a plan of what they want to do. Get information (pamphlets, brochures, on-line information) about abuse to give your friend Get help yourself if you feel overwhelmed or frightened. For help or support, contact your local crisis center. To contact the crisis center in your area, call toll-free, 1-866-644-3574, or check out the list of resources.